Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
