you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize