Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
