now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
