Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
