I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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