I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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