I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
