what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
