You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
