I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
