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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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