Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
