I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
