are you still at the devil's house?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
