Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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