Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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