on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
