I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize