so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
