Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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