I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
