I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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