is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
