none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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