Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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