shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
