I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
