Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
