last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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