having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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