And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I hate all girls vehemently.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
