Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Is it because I queefed?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
