I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I understand Curling. That high.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
