Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
