I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
