check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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