I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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