Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize