So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Panties = found
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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