i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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