toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Duck Duck Cougar?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
