She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
