My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
