Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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