He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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