She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
