She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
