I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
