Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
