How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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