These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
