it wasn't lemon gatorade
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He better not be in your backpack
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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