Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
