A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
