bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
