I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
