i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
