I'm going to jail i love you
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
well you can't waste a boner
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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