you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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