just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
nutella sex= disaster
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
