haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I could fuck to npr.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
