shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
