Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
