Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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