New low: just hacked my moms facebook
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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