Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
