I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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