You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
